Deadbeat Dad Takes It Literally #MindOfMarlar

#MindOfMarlar is written by Darren Marlar, host of Weird Darkness

Jesse Kipf had what might be the most creative—and definitely the most ill-advised—plan to dodge his child support payments: he decided to fake his own death. In 2023, this 39-year-old dad from Somerset, Kentucky, cooked up a scheme to avoid shelling out more than $100,000 in unpaid child support. Clearly, he figured the best way to escape his financial woes was to just stop existing. Well, at least on paper.

So, what did Jesse do? He decided to play doctor—literally. He stole a physician’s login info and snuck into the Hawaii Death Registry System to declare himself dead. But Jesse wasn’t content with just faking his own demise; oh no, he wanted to make it official. He used the physician’s digital signature to sign off on his own fake death certificate.

“*How can you arrest me if I’m dead? Seriously! I wouldn’t lie to you about that!*“

Unfortunately for Jesse, the whole “I’m dead” excuse didn’t work out as planned. Instead of getting off scot-free, he now faces six years in prison and some pretty hefty fines – more than the original $100,000 he originally owed. Turns out, faking your death to dodge child support is frowned upon, who knew?

And just when you think the story couldn’t get any crazier, Jesse went on a cybercrime spree. He hacked into government and private servers, snagging personal info with the intent to sell it on the dark web. So not only was he trying to dodge his responsibilities, but he also tried to become a criminal mastermind. Spoiler alert: he failed at both.

After pleading guilty to computer fraud and aggravated identity theft, Jesse’s “brilliant” plan earned him 81 months in prison. And to add insult to injury, all the fake paperwork actually worked—briefly. Federal databases marked him as deceased, temporarily wiping out his $116,357.77 child support debt. But the truth eventually caught up with him, as it tends to do when you’re still, you know, alive.

Now, Jesse has a few new responsibilities: paying back over $192,000 in restitution and potentially facing $250,000 in fines for each of the many charges against him. And let’s not forget, he’s got a long time to think about his life choices in prison.

As one FBI agent put it, Kipf’s scheme was not just reckless but utterly malicious, proving once again that faking your own death is rarely a winning strategy—especially when you’re not very good at it.

(Source: Amber Morgan, AllThatsInteresting.com | Cover photo: Grayson County Detention Center | Video created by https://www.fiverr.com/vane875)