LOUISIANA TAKES AIM AT CHEMTRAILS: The State That Might Declare War On Basic Physics
Louisiana’s House just passed a bill to ban “chemtrails,” potentially making it the first state to accidentally outlaw commercial aviation while opening the floodgates for conspiracy theorists to demand even more bizarre legislation.
The Deadly Chemical Lurking in Your Home
There’s a deadly chemical lurking in your home that has killed more people than terrorism, nuclear accidents, and reality TV combined. It’s called di-hydrogen monoxide (DHMO), and if you can’t pronounce it, that should be your first clue that it’s dangerous.
Scientists—the same people who brought us “fat-free” cookies that taste like cardboard—tell us this colorless, odorless substance kills thousands annually through accidental inhalation.
Prolonged exposure to DHMO’s solid form causes severe tissue damage. Ingestion symptoms include excessive sweating, urination, bloating, nausea, and something ominously called “body electrolyte imbalance,” which sounds like what happens when you stick your finger in an electrical outlet while doing yoga.
Here’s the scarier part: once you’re dependent on DHMO, withdrawal means certain death. This makes heroin look like Tic Tacs.
The Chemical That’s Everywhere
This chemical is also known as “hydroxyl acid” (because apparently one scary name wasn’t enough) and is the major component of acid rain. It contributes to the greenhouse effect, causes severe burns, erodes our landscape, rusts metals, causes electrical failures, makes your car brakes less effective, and—get this—has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients. At this point I’m wondering why we don’t just ban this stuff.
DHMO contamination has reached epidemic proportions. It’s been found in virtually every stream, lake, and reservoir in America, plus Antarctic ice, which means even penguins aren’t safe. The chemical has caused millions in property damage across the Midwest and California, probably while wearing a tiny chemical mustache and cackling evilly.
Yet despite these dangers, industries continue using DHMO as a solvent, coolant, fire retardant, and in nuclear power plants (because what could go wrong there?). It’s used in cruel animal research, pesticide distribution, styrofoam production, and—brace yourself—food additives. Even after washing your produce, it remains contaminated with this stuff.
Government Cover-Up?
Companies legally dump waste DHMO into rivers and oceans because our government apparently thinks marine life needs more excitement in their lives.
The American government refuses to ban DHMO due to its supposed “importance to the economic health of this nation.” Meanwhile, the military is conducting secret experiments with it and has built billion-dollar devices to weaponize it. Hundreds of military facilities stockpile tons of the stuff through a sophisticated underground distribution network that makes drug cartels look like a lemonade stand operation.
It’s not too late to save yourself, your family, and that weird neighbor who collects garden gnomes. Contact the Coalition to Ban DHMO in Santa Cruz, California—because if anyone knows about dangerous chemicals, it’s California, the state that requires warning labels on everything including the warning labels themselves.
Remember: DHMO is odorless, tasteless, and colorless. It could be anywhere. It could be in your coffee right now. In fact, it probably is.
The Big Reveal
Oh… by the way, DHMO… di-hydrogen monoxide, or hydroxl acid… is also known by the common name of water. Yep, everything I just told you is all true, but it’s presented in a way to make you panic over something that God created before man, and is required for you and all life on this planet to continue living. Even worse, your morning java-jolt wouldn’t exist without it. Now THAT is a scary existence.
I share this with you, because, this next story reminds me a lot of the DHMO parody – but this one isn’t parody, this is a real thing.
Louisiana’s War on Chemtrails
I need to tell you about something deeply disturbing that’s happening in Louisiana, and no, it’s not another story about a politician getting caught with a briefcase full of cash and a live alligator. This is worse. (That alligator probably has water in it too – making it doubly dangerous!)
The Louisiana House of Representatives has passed a bill to ban “chemtrails.” For those of you who don’t spend your free time researching conspiracy theories on websites that also sell magnetic bracelets and freeze-dried survival food, chemtrails are the white lines you see behind airplanes. According to chemtrail believers, these are actually sinister chemicals being sprayed by the government for purposes ranging from weather control to mind control, which would explain a lot about Louisiana politics, actually.
Basic Physics vs. Political Theater
Here’s the thing: Those white lines are water vapor. That’s right – H2O. The same stuff you drink, shower with, and that falls from the sky during this mysterious phenomenon scientists call “rain.” When hot jet exhaust meets cold air at high altitudes, it creates condensation trails, or “contrails” – not “chemtrails” but “CON-trails”. This is basic physics, the kind of science you learn right after “gravity makes things fall down” and “fire is hot.”
But apparently, the Louisiana legislature has decided that water vapor is a clear and present danger to the Pelican State. Republican Representative Kimberly Landry Coates defended the bill, claiming agencies use chemicals to conduct weather modification experiments. The bill passed 58-32, which means 58 elected officials looked at water vapor and said, “This aggression will not stand!”
The Unintended Consequences
Let’s think about the implications here. If Louisiana bans the creation of condensation trails, airlines will have two choices: 1) Stop flying over Louisiana entirely, or 2) Develop jets that somehow don’t produce water vapor when they burn fuel at 35,000 feet, which would violate several laws of thermodynamics and probably anger the Physics Police.
Option 1 seems more likely, which means Louisiana would become the first state to accidentally ban commercial aviation. Imagine the tourism slogan for that: “Louisiana: Come for the Gumbo, Stay Because Your Flight Was Rerouted to Texas!”
The bill directs the Louisiana Department of Environmental Quality to record reported chemtrail sightings and pass complaints to the Louisiana Air National Guard. I picture some poor Air National Guard officer getting calls like: “Hello? Yes, I’d like to report a Boeing 737 conducting suspicious water vapor activities over my backyard. It’s clearly trying to control my thoughts, though to be fair, my thoughts weren’t really that well-organized to begin with.”
What’s Next? A Slippery Slope
But here’s where things get really scary. As University of Surrey professor Mark Shanahan pointed out to Newsweek, we’re living in an era where “cranks from the margins of political ideas are now lauded front and center.” If this bill passes, what’s next?
The Birds Aren’t Real Act: Legislation requiring all “birds” to register with the Department of Homeland Security as potential government surveillance drones. Penalties for feeding unregistered pigeons could include a $500 fine and mandatory attendance at a seminar titled “Why That Robin Is Probably Recording You.”
The Flat Earth Aviation Safety Bill: A law mandating that all pilots file flight plans acknowledging they will not fly off the edge of the world, with required insurance coverage for “catastrophic planetary rim incidents.” GPS systems would require warning labels: “Caution: May contain spherical Earth propaganda.”
The Lizard People Identification Act: Requiring all politicians to undergo mandatory “humanity verification testing,” including exposure to heat lamps (lizards love those) and having to eat flies (dead giveaway). Campaign ads would need disclaimers: “Candidate Johnson is certified 73% human by the Bureau of Reptilian Affairs.”
The Moon Landing Studio Set Preservation Act: Protecting the “historic Hollywood soundstage where NASA faked the moon landings” as a national monument. Visitors could tour the fake lunar surface while eating astronaut ice cream that’s ironically more authentic than the actual moon mission it commemorates.
The 5G Mind Control Prevention Ordinance: Banning cell towers within 500 miles of any human brain, effectively creating 500-mile dead zones around every person. Citizens would communicate via carrier pigeon, which would be problematic given the Birds Aren’t Real Act mentioned previously.
Where would it stop? Bills to ban gravity because it discriminates against tall people? Legislation requiring the sun to provide equal lighting to all parts of Louisiana simultaneously? A constitutional amendment declaring that pi equals exactly 3 because decimals are too complicated.
Science vs. Conspiracy
Back to chemtrails though… the scientific consensus, according to boring old organizations like the EPA and NOAA, is that contrails are completely harmless and natural. But why trust scientists when you can trust people who think the government has nothing better to do than spray mysterious chemicals from commercial airliners? If the government truly wants to control the weather or our minds, would they really choose the most visible, inefficient method possible? Like a really incompetent Bond villain.
If this bill becomes law, Louisiana will join the exclusive club of places that have passed legislation against basic physics (it’s a small club right now – but it’s growing). It’s like if a state passed a law against photosynthesis because they were suspicious of what plants were really up to.
The Road Ahead
The bill will now go to the Louisiana Senate, where senators will have to decide whether to take a stand against water vapor or risk being labeled as pro-condensation. Either way, I’m investing in bus companies, because pretty soon, that might be the only way to get to New Orleans without violating Louisiana’s anti-water-vapor statutes.
Remember when politicians used to worry about things like roads, schools, and the economy? Before we had to protect ourselves from the clear and present danger of atmospheric moisture. Those were simpler times, weren’t they? Today, we have to worry about everything possibly killing us… even di-hydrogen monoxide.
SOURCE: Newsweek
NOTE: Some of this content may have been created with assistance from AI tools, but it has been reviewed, edited, narrated, rewritten, produced, and approved by Darren Marlar, creator and host of Weird Darkness — who, despite popular conspiracy theories, is NOT an AI voice… but he does drink a lot of water, so we’re not sure he can be trusted.
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