BIGFOOT, BLUNTS, AND BUSINESS MARKETING: Joint Ventures In Monster Hunting

When a Michigan dispensary offers free weed for proof of Bigfoot, stoners, skeptics, and cryptid-chasers collide in the most brilliantly absurd marketing stunt of the century.

Listen to “BIGFOOT, BLUNTS, AND BUSINESS MARKETING: Joint Ventures In Monster Hunting” on Spreaker.

The Setup: Cannabis Meets Cryptozoology

In what historians will undoubtedly record as either the most brilliant business strategy of the 21st century or evidence that humanity has finally achieved peak absurdity, a Michigan cannabis dispensary has decided that the appropriate response to a Bigfoot sighting is to offer free marijuana to anyone who can photograph the creature. This is roughly equivalent to offering free beer to anyone who can prove the existence of unicorns, except somehow more likely to succeed because, let’s face it, this is Michigan – where sightings of unicorns are pretty rare, while Bigfoot… well….

The Incident: Medieval Archery Meets Forest Gymnastics

The chain of events that led to this magnificent collision of cryptozoology and capitalism began on May 18 near Laplaisance Road in Monroe County, where Edward — a 47-year-old man whose name suggests he pays his taxes on time and owns sensible footwear — was bow fishing with his 12-year-old son. For those keeping score at home, bow fishing is what happens when regular fishing becomes insufficiently complicated and someone decides to introduce medieval weaponry into the equation, shooting fish with arrows and bow like Hawkeye from the Avengers, battling an ultra-evil big mouth bass.

Ed and son’s peaceful afternoon of aquatic archery was interrupted when something roughly the size of a washing machine decided to practice its dismount routine from a nearby tree. The resulting thud, described by Edward as coming from a “big, heavy animal,” was apparently loud enough to suggest that whatever had just landed was either very large or very bad at landing. Probably both.

The Encounter: Bear-Sized Gorilla Meets Strategic Canine Thinking

What emerged from this arboreal catastrophe was a creature that Edward’s son described with the kind of precision that makes you wonder why we don’t consult more pre-teens about unexplained phenomena: “It was as big as a bear but looked like a gorilla.” This is the sort of eyewitness testimony that cuts through decades of academic debate with the surgical precision of a butter knife.

The creature, apparently unaware that Michigan has strict regulations about unlicensed tree-climbing, crouched briefly before beginning to advance toward the fishing party. This might be where horror movie directors would weep with envy, but the moment was interrupted by the family dog, who responded to this situation with the kind of strategic thinking typically associated with lemmings approaching cliffs. Rather than suggesting an immediate retreat to somewhere with better cell phone reception and possibly a police station, the canine Einstein decided that chasing an unknown primate species into the woods was exactly the sort of career move that would end well for everyone involved.

The entire encounter lasted approximately ten seconds — roughly the time it takes to realize you’ve accidentally sent a text message to your mother that was definitely intended for your hot boyfriend. Neither Edward nor his son managed to capture photographic evidence, which they attributed to the suddenness of the event rather than, say, being temporarily paralyzed by the sight of something that shouldn’t exist casually dropping by their fishing spot like an uninvited relative.

The Marketing Genius: Targeting the Chemically Compromised

News of this encounter spread through Monroe County with the velocity of gossip in a small town, eventually reaching the entrepreneurial minds at Uniq Cannabis, who looked at this situation and thought, “You know what this calls for? A marketing campaign that specifically targets people whose judgment is already chemically compromised.”

Their solution was to post a sign reading “Bring photo proof of Bigfoot for a free pre-roll,” which represents either the most brilliant understanding of a business’ customer base in retail history or a fundamental misunderstanding of how evidence collection works. The promotion essentially amounts to asking people who are already struggling with the complex task of finding their car keys to venture into the woods with cameras and hunt for creatures that have successfully evaded detection by wildlife biologists for decades.

The Customer Response: Vape Pens and Cryptozoological Confidence

Picture, if you will, the typical customer response to this offer. Somewhere in Monroe County, a person who has just finished a particularly successful session with their vape pen is reading this sign and thinking, “You know what? I bet I could totally find Bigfoot. How hard could it be? I found that bag of Cheetos I hid from myself last week.”

The logistics alone are staggering. We’re talking about individuals whose primary concerns typically involve whether they remembered to lock their front door and whether that sound from the kitchen is the refrigerator or an intruder, suddenly deciding to embark on cryptozoological expeditions armed with nothing but smartphone cameras and an unshakeable confidence in their ability to distinguish between Bigfoot and, say, a particularly large tree stump. All in the name of getting free weed.

The Perfect Circular Logic: Shadows, Garbage Bags, and Bathrobe Bigfoot

The beauty of this marketing strategy lies in its perfect circular logic: the people most likely to attempt this quest are also the people most likely to interpret any large, dark shape in the woods as definitive proof of Sasquatch. A shadow cast by a cloud? Bigfoot. A garbage bag caught in a tree? Obviously Bigfoot. Someone’s neighbor taking out the trash in a bathrobe? Definitely Bigfoot, and probably the clearest photo anyone’s ever taken.

Meanwhile, Uniq Cannabis sits back and watches as their customer base transforms into an impromptu army of amateur cryptozoologists, wandering through Michigan forests with the dedication of people who once spent three hours looking for their sunglasses while wearing them. The dispensary has essentially weaponized the munchies, turning the simple desire for free marijuana into a county-wide cryptid hunt.

The Unanswered Questions: Derek in a Gorilla Suit

The promotional campaign raises questions that nobody at Uniq Cannabis apparently considered during what was undoubtedly a very interesting staff meeting. What constitutes acceptable proof? Would a photo of someone’s friend Derek wearing a gorilla costume qualify? What about a blurry image of a large dog standing on its hind legs? And most importantly, what happens when someone shows up with what they genuinely believe is photographic evidence of Bigfoot, because that conversation is going to require a level of customer service training that most retail employees simply don’t receive.

But perhaps the most brilliant aspect of this entire scheme is that it’s essentially foolproof. Every blurry, questionable photo that gets submitted serves as free advertising for both the dispensary and the ongoing Bigfoot narrative. Even the failures become successes, because nothing generates more interest in a cryptid hunt like a dozen people posting photos of what they insist is Bigfoot but looks suspiciously like a mailbox photographed from an unfortunate angle.

The Monroe Monster Legacy: Sixty Years of Consistent Recreational Choices

Monroe County resident Bobb Vergiels — and yes, that’s Bobb with two B’s, because apparently even the witnesses in this story come with their own unexplained elements — heard about the encounter while in Baltimore, proving that cryptid news travels faster than most people’s internet connections. His reaction upon learning he’d missed the excitement was probably similar to finding out your neighbors had a block party while you were out of town, except instead of free hamburgers, it involved a potentially undiscovered primate species.

This latest incident fits perfectly into Monroe Michigan’s long tradition of unexplained encounters. According to Vergiels, stories of something called the “Monroe Monster” have been circulating since the 1960s, which suggests that either the area sits on some sort of interdimensional portal or local residents have been remarkably consistent in their recreational choices for the past sixty years.

The Perfect Storm: Digital Age Meets Undocumented Primates

The timing couldn’t be more perfect from a business perspective. We live in an age where people photograph their breakfast and livestream their commutes, yet somehow a six-foot-tall undiscovered primate manages to visit Monroe County without generating a single piece of digital evidence. This creates the perfect conditions for a promotion that asks customers to accomplish what trained researchers have failed to do for decades, except while significantly more relaxed and possibly distracted by the philosophical implications of whether Bigfoot pays taxes.

What we’re witnessing in Monroe County is nothing less than the evolution of modern marketing: take an already highly motivated customer base, add a local legend, and watch as people voluntarily spend their free time attempting to photograph creatures that may or may not exist, all for the promise of products they were probably going to buy anyway.

The Target Demographics: Trail Mix Economics and Hidden Connections

The real genius lies in understanding that the target demographic for this promotion consists largely of people who have already demonstrated a willingness to believe that smoking certain plants will enhance their appreciation of music, food, and the hidden connections between all living things. Asking these same individuals to believe they can photograph Bigfoot is less of a stretch than asking them to believe that a ten-dollar bag of trail mix represents a reasonable snack investment.

So Monroe County finds itself transformed into ground zero for what may be the first crowdsourced cryptid hunt funded entirely by cannabis marketing budgets. Local forests are now presumably full of enthusiastic amateur researchers, armed with smartphones and an unshakeable belief in their ability to succeed where countless others have failed, all while generating content that will keep social media feeds entertaining for months to come – even more so, if you happen to be high while watching that content.

The Conclusion: Performance Art Disguised as Marketing

Whether or not anyone actually manages to photograph Bigfoot remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: Uniq Cannabis has created a marketing campaign that turns their customers into unpaid field researchers, their product into expedition motivation, and their local legend into a business opportunity. That’s not just good marketing — that’s approaching the level of performance art.

STORY SOURCE: KXII.com

NOTE: Some of this content may have been created with assistance from AI tools, but it has been reviewed, edited, narrated, produced, and approved by Darren Marlar, creator and host of Weird Darkness — who, despite popular conspiracy theories, is NOT an AI voice. (AI Policy)