FORE! (AND ALSO SHARK!): The Weirdest Golf Story Ever
When a disc golfer in South Carolina looked up to see an osprey carrying its lunch, he had no idea he was about to witness a hammerhead shark crash-land in the woods — leaving everyone to wonder what other aquatic nightmares might be raining down from above.
Listen to “FORE! (AND ALSO SHARK!): The Weirdest Golf Story Ever” on Spreaker.
What You Don’t Expect to Find in the Woods
There are certain things you expect to find in the woods: squirrels hoarding acorns like tiny survivalists, poison ivy waiting to exact revenge on your ankles, and maybe the occasional beer can thrown by someone who clearly missed the “Leave No Trace” seminar. What you do not expect to find is a hammerhead shark lying under a tree like it just gave up on life and decided to take a nap in South Carolina.
But that’s exactly what happened at the Splinter City Disc Golf Course in Myrtle Beach, where nature apparently decided to throw its own version of Sharknado, except with more birds and significantly less Tara Reid.
A Peaceful Game Goes Horribly Wrong
Jonathan Marlowe was just trying to enjoy a peaceful round of disc golf — you know, that sport where grown adults throw frisbees at metal baskets and pretend it requires the same level of skill as actual golf. He was on Hole 11 (do you still call it a hole if there are no holes? Shouldn’t it be Basket 11? Anyway…) Jonathan, probably contemplating whether his disc would end up in the inevitable water hazard, looked up and witnessed what can only be described as the most bizarre wildlife documentary segment never filmed.
Enter the Feathered Missile
An osprey — nature’s version of a feathered missile — was flying overhead with something dangling from its talons. Now, ospreys are basically the Navy SEALs of the bird world. They dive from heights that would make bungee jumpers weep, hitting the water at fifty miles per hour with the precision of a guided torpedo. Their talons are curved like tiny grappling hooks, specifically designed to grab slippery fish and hold onto them while flying. It’s an impressive system that God obviously spent a lot of thought and time perfecting.
And while God is all-knowing, the rest of the world would never have guessed that this story would move on to crows.
Chaos and Mayhem Take Flight
Two crows — let’s call them Chaos and Mayhem — suddenly appeared like tiny black fighter jets and began harassing the osprey with the kind of relentless persistence usually reserved for toddlers asking “Are we there yet?” on road trips. This aerial dogfight quickly moved into a nearby tree, where physics and bird politics collided in spectacular fashion.
The osprey, presumably thinking “This is not worth it,” dropped its lunch. And that’s when Johnathon Marlowe discovered that nature has a sense of humor darker than a Tim Burton film.
When Reality Goes Off the Rails
The “random fish” that crashed to the ground was, technically speaking, both random and a fish. It was also a hammerhead shark, which is the kind of detail that makes you question everything you thought you knew about reality.
Now, hammerhead sharks in the woods is the sort of thing that would make even the most seasoned paranormal investigator reach for their whiskey. It’s not cryptid-level weird, but it’s definitely in that unsettling zone where you start wondering if you’ve accidentally wandered into a David Lynch movie. The kind of discovery that makes you look around nervously, half-expecting to find Bigfoot playing poker with the Mothman behind a pine tree.
The Existential Crisis Begins
Marlowe and his friends stood there staring at this aquatic refugee, probably having the kind of existential crisis that comes with witnessing something so bizarre that your brain temporarily refuses to process it. “Did that really just happen?” you’d ask yourself – which is the universal human response to encountering something that violates the basic laws of where things are supposed to be.
The friends decided to leave the shark under the tree, because what else do you do with an aerial shark delivery? You can’t exactly call Animal Control and say, “Hi, yes, I’d like to report a hammerhead shark that fell out of the sky during my disc golf game.” They’d probably transfer you to the psychiatric unit.
Plot Twist: Another Victim
But here’s where the story gets properly unsettling: Later, another disc golfer found the shark and had no earthly idea how a marine predator had ended up in the middle of a forest. Imagine walking through the woods for a peaceful round of disc golf and suddenly encountering evidence of what appears to be either divine intervention or a very localized natural disaster. It’s the kind of discovery that would make you question your grip on reality and wonder if you should start carrying sage and a EMF detector in your golf bag.
The poor soul who found the shark was apparently “standing there in shock with no frame of reference for what could have possibly happened,” which is perhaps the most relatable response to finding inexplicable shark remains in a terrestrial environment. How exactly do you explain that to your spouse? “Honey, you’ll never believe what I found on the back nine today.”
The Social Media Solution (Sort Of)
Fortunately, Johnathon Marlowe had posted photos on Facebook — because if weird stuff happens and you don’t post about it on social media, did it really happen? — and the mystery was solved. Well, sort of. The mechanics were explained, but the cosmic implications of aerial shark distribution remain deeply troubling.
The Disturbing Implications
The whole incident raises disturbing questions about what else might be falling from the sky that we’re not aware of. Are there octopi raining down in suburban backyards? Are barracuda crash-landing in shopping mall parking lots? Is this how the great marine uprising begins — not with rising sea levels, but with kamikaze fish attacks from above?
The truth is, nature is far stranger and more terrifying than any ghost story or urban legend. At least when you hear about haunted houses or mysterious creatures in the woods, there’s a certain logic to the fear. But when hammerhead sharks start dropping out of trees during recreational activities, you realize that reality itself has gone completely off the rails.
A Final Warning
So the next time you’re enjoying a peaceful outdoor activity and you hear the sound of wings overhead, maybe duck. Because somewhere out there, an osprey is probably carrying something that has no business being airborne, and gravity is just waiting for the perfect moment to remind us all that the universe has a twisted sense of humor.
And if you do find yourself face-to-face with unexpected marine life in terrestrial locations, remember: it’s probably not aliens, demons, or interdimensional portals. It’s just nature being absolutely, completely, certifiably insane.
Which, when you think about it, might actually be more terrifying than any paranormal explanation.
SOURCE: Garden And Gun
NOTE: Some of this content may have been created with assistance from AI tools, but it has been reviewed, edited, narrated, produced, and approved by Darren Marlar, creator and host of Weird Darkness — who, despite popular conspiracy theories, is NOT an AI voice. (AI Policy)
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