“Those Odious Oakville Blobs”
#MindOfMarlar is written by Darren Marlar, host of Weird Darkness
Listen to ““Those Odious Oakville Blobs” #MindOfMarlar” on Spreaker.
If you visit the website for Oakville, Washington, you’ll find there are zero listings of great things to do or see. They don’t even have a list of local restaurants – probably because the two eateries they do have doesn’t warrant creating a whole new page for the website. With a population that could fit comfortably into a large family reunion, they don’t even have need of an Oakville Police Department – relying instead on local county mounties. Things move at a snail’s pace there. But thirty years ago, in the summer of 1994, those county cops most certainly got a few phone calls… because Oakville was about to experience a close encounter of the sticky kind.
On a rainy day in Oakville—because, of course, it was raining—something truly odd happened. On August 7th, instead of the usual drizzle, blobs of mysterious clear gelatinous goo started plopping down from the sky, making the locals feel like they were in a cheap 1950’s sci-fi movie. The goo blobs were tiny, about the size of a grain of rice, but there were so many of them that they turned car windshields into an oozing mess, leaving the townsfolk scratching their heads in confusion… that is, when they weren’t busy slipping on the pavement like someone threw a banana peel under their Crocs.
And if one day of KY jelly falling from the sky wasn’t strange enough, it kept happening. Over the next three weeks, Oakville was treated to five more rounds of sludge showers, each covering the entire 0.6-square-mile area of the community several times over. It was like God had smote tiny little Oakville (possibly because with only a population of 729 people, it obviously was not taking His command of “go forth and multiply” very seriously). God had already sent plagues to Egypt of locusts, frogs, and flies back in the Old Testament, and he sent fish and snakes raining down on several occasions around the world, and even a rain shower of pieces of meat once (I’ll have to cover that in a future article). I’ve heard people say it’s raining cats and dogs too… but I don’t know that we can take that one literally. So God got creative and went with globs of glop!
But even after the goo-pocalypse, things still were strange. People who came into contact with the blobs started feeling under the weather, with symptoms like fatigue, nausea, and the kind of respiratory problems usually reserved for allergy season. Even pets weren’t left unaffected, and there were unsettling reports of cats and dogs keeling over after getting too close to the mysterious substance. Or maybe it really was raining cats and dogs and I just got the story wrong.
Naturally, the Oakville community was abuzz with gossip and wild theories. Some wondered whether the substance might have been waste from a commercial plane toilet… or maybe it was particles of deceased jellyfish that had evaporated and been incorporated into a rain cloud. Either way… EWW.
Then there were the more fringe theories like it possibly being a military weapons test – Operation Slip & Slide! And I’m sure more than a couple folks blamed extraterrestrials. And why not blame them? Immigration is out of control – those illegal aliens keep coming here and taking our earth jobs! Or so I read in Weekly World News.
To get to the bottom of the mystery muck, the local hospital ran some tests and found human white blood cells in the substance. Aaaaand, we’re back to EWW.
Meanwhile, Sunny Barclift decided to send a sample of the sticky stuff to Washington State’s Hazardous Material Unit, hoping for some answers. Scientist Mike Osweiler announced they found two types of bacteria in the blobs, but they couldn’t identify the strains. Triple EWW. On the plus side, they claimed there could NOT be human white blood cells in the globules, because the cells in the blobs lacked nuclei. So… I guess that’s good.
The TV show Unsolved Mysteries jumped onto the bandwagon, and microbiologist Mike McDowell managed to identify one type of bacteria as bad news for human digestive systems. Did he really have to issue that warning? Was there a problem with people gobbling up the goo? Were there idiots in Oakville swallowing the slime? I know it looks like jelly, but that doesn’t mean you grab a butter knife and spread it on your bagel. “Yum! It tastes like every flavor you’ve ever tasted… and none of them!” Air pudding isn’t a thing, folks. “Flavored with 100% pure cloud, harvested fresh from the sky.”
Anyway, the investigation hit a dead end when the samples mysteriously vanished from McDowell’s lab. Uh huh. (Insert spooky music HERE.)

A few people landed on the conclusion (with no hard evidence to support it, mind you) that what Oakville experienced was “star jelly,” a substance that folklore says falls from the sky during meteor showers. Star jelly has been reported since the 14th century, and while it sounds like a new flavor of marshmallow in a box of Lucky Charms, it’s not something you would eat – its true nature is still up for debate, in fact. Your guess is as good as anybody’s. It might even be frog spawn. I think I’d opt for the air pudding instead.

The mystery of the Oakville Blobs remains just that though — a mystery. The goo investigation has come to a sticky standstill. In fact, shortly after all of the reports, the narrative changed. Supposedly there were actually no verifiable reports of the goo samples disappearing, and the Washington Department of Health says it has no record of receiving that sample of sludge. Some even claim the midnight muck showers never even took place. But then, that’s what we’d expect them to say if the government confiscated the samples and hid them away next to the crashed UFO and extraterrestrial bodies in Area 51.
Tell me I’m wrong.
Source: https://the-line-up.com/oakville-blobs
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