MAN HEADS INTO THE NEW YEAR WITH A HOLE IN HIS SKULL
#MindOfMarlar is written by Darren Marlar, host of Weird Darkness
It’s New Year’s Eve; you are partying with friends to ring in the start of 2024 when suddenly some jerkwad throws a rock, hitting you on the head. Apparently noisemakers, sparklers, and fireworks just aren’t intense enough for some people. Either that, or someone has completely misinterpreted the phrase “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”.
Obviously getting smashed with a gibber to the cranium is going to smart a bit – and head wounds, even minor ones, tend to bleed… a lot. So it’s no surprise that you find your fingers red and wet after reaching up to the wound. But head wounds typically look worse than they are, and you’re getting some attention from the babes around you now – girls who didn’t even notice you eight seconds ago. So… that’s awesome. Then a doctor who happened to be partying near you at the time rushed in to help stop the bleeding – so immediately the girls find him attractive now as opposed to you. Well, it was a fun eight seconds while it lasted. Plus, I’m not sure if I would be all that trusting of a doctor who’s out partying on New Year’s Eve – especially if he’d been partaking in libations to help put him into a celebratory mood. But on the plus side, you just got treated by a doctor… for free! Score! After probably saying “take two aspirin and call me in the morning,” the doctor moved on to more interesting and fun activities – probably those girls who were eyeing you eight seconds ago. You’re all patched up, you feel okay. A bit of a headache I assume – you did get hit by a rock after all – but you continue on to resume your own “good riddance to 2023” celebration heading into the new year.
This is what happened to 21-year-old Mateus Facio of Cabo Frio. He put some ice on his head to bring down the swelling and to help with the pain, and continued on his merry way. Later that evening once the festivities began to slow down, once people had blown through their supplies of fireworks, sparklers, and rocks for throwing, he drove the 186 miles home. No problem. The day after that, he relaxed at home, continuing to enjoy the extended holiday weekend. No problem. Then on Wednesday January 3rd, it was time to finally go back to work. He drove in as usual, and at the end of the workday decided to hang out with some friends. No problem.
But then January 4th arrived – and… problem.
Mateus suddenly began to feel a bit odd. After taking a nap, he felt his arm was weaker than usual. He could move it, but it felt strange – like he couldn’t be sure he would be able to pick up something from the table, or that if doing so his arm would be shaky. Fine if you’re adding salt to a meal, not so fine if you’re trying to drink a glass of milk. When the unsettling feeling didn’t subside, he figured it would be safer to just head to a local hospital and get checked out. Looks like he was going to have to pay for a doctor’s visit after all. After explaining his symptoms to hospital staff – and also relating the tale about how some dolt cracked open his skull with a boulder a few days previous, he was given a CT scan. It turns out he was not hit by a rock to the head after all… he was shot in the head… with a bullet. And it was still there. Somehow, the bullet had missed the more important parts of his brain – which is strange, because I thought all parts of the brain were kinda necessary – and lodged itself into the man’s head, with zero pain.
“The doctors and nurses who saw Mateus there almost couldn’t believe it,” Luciana, the man’s mother, told a news website. “For a person to spend four days with a bullet in the head and not feel anything is inexplicable. He was born again. We can celebrate Matthew’s birth twice.”
Despite feeling perfectly fine – aside from the strange arm sensation – doctors insisted Mateus go in for immediate surgery, as the bullet could cause major issues later. Not the least of which would be lead poisoning, I’d think – the worst of which, being brain-scrambled enough to base your voting decisions on what a celebrity says. Of course, we’re talking brain surgery here, with the risk of brain bleeding, fluid leakage, and possibly even death, but Mateus agreed and is now doing well, making a full recovery.
Unfortunately, he also wakes up each day thinking it’s New Year’s Eve – and he’s ready to party all over again. Okay, not really – I just made that last part up. But if you had to pick one day to continually live through… it’s a better choice than Groundhog Day.
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